Baba tells me I must stop crying. He explains that the Buddhist understanding is Xiao Wen will hear my pain and she’ll suffer for it. She’ll know I’m having trouble letting go. I’m supposed to think positive thoughts to support her on her journey to her rebirth.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to think positive thoughts when every cell in my body seems to be made of anguish.

There’s a lot I don’t understand.

Mama says that this morning she dreamed Xiao Wen was standing behind her, telling her, “Smile.”

We wish peace upon the dead. But how do we recover the same peace for ourselves?